


free troubles

by hyattdeath



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Brief mention of sexual abuse, Emetophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slavery, very small hint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyattdeath/pseuds/hyattdeath
Summary: even now fenris still has troubles with day to day life as a free man





	

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote fenris' panic and anxiety attacks about how mine are like also this is a prompt from the kink meme you can find here http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/15195.html?thread=58843227#t58843227  
>  prompt:  
> fenris, free and in kirkwall, dealing with relics of his time in tevinter. there are things he does or does not do that is entirely based on whether danarius would approve or not. some things are small or even generally beneficial things he would agree to regardless, like always being polite or not slouching. some things are not, like not being able to eat certain foods, sleep at certain times or places or engage in intimacy (even touching himself) without the constant thought of "i don't have permission. i don't have permission. i don't have permission." it feeling morally wrong to him, and is extremely distressing, even if he logically knows that it's okay.

The first big issue had been when fenris stayed his first night in kirkwall, after exploring and cleaning a room out for him to stay in. he had decided in a split second to forgo looking for a slave bed which was simply a straw mat set on the floor and to sleep in the actual bed. The bed he had found was probably for a child but would fit his small frame nicely it was long enough for him to stretch out on and be comfortable but after about 20 minutes of laying on it and trying to tell himself this was ok and that he was a free man now, the thought of him sleeping on the bed without permission has fenris having a panic attack. He falls off of the bed hyperventilating tears coming to his eyes the acidicness of vomit crawling up his throat and nose as his body fevered before he finally vomited on the floor and the blanket he had dragged down with him.

It made him panic more as for now he had made a mess on the blanket and the floor. He couldnt calm down until he had scrubbed the floor and then washed the blanket, after hanging the blanket off of the rails of the stairs to dry fenris went back to the room and layed down on the floor at the foot of the bed curling up to sleep.the next day fenris found a slave bed and put it at the end of the bed quickly shoving it under the actual bed when others visited. Over the next 6 months fenris slowly introduced things to his bed first a sheet then a blanket then a small pillow. But he never does try to sleep on the bed again.

The second big issue happened when Everyone was at the hanging man all sitting in varrics rooms even sebastian aveline and anders had shown up. Varric had decided to get them all food for the night and him anders and hawke all went down to get the bowls of stew. Fenris was nervous he hadnt had anything but bread water and some salted fish since he had escaped from danarius. Afraid the man would jump out from nowhere and punish him for daring to eat anything ment for free men. 

As they came back with the bowls they made sure everyone had one before sitting while varric and hawke both sat at the ends of the table anders sat next to him. After the deep roads the two had gotten closer, they still bickered but it was less tense and both men knew the other wouldnt turn them into their respective captors. Slowly they were working towards peace and full understanding. 

Fenris stared at the bowl in front of him everyone had digged in and were talking having fun. He looked to the large mabari sitting next to the fire wondering if maybe just maybe he could slip the dog the food without anyone noticing. The thought of eating made the words ‘no permission, punishment’ pop in his mind. He remembers the time he accidentally ate bread meant for the magisters. Hadriana had given him it he should have known to not eat it since the woman normally took his food not gave him some. But he ate it danarius caught him and had him lashed and food taken from him for a week and a half.

But he knew he could eat it no one would punish him for this he could do it it would be so easy to eat it just grab the spoon and then eat its easy. As he grabbed the spoon he realized he was shaking hard. Anders moved his hand to fenris’s back slowly rubbing it “you doing ok you’re very pale”  
“Im….im ok just a little ill its fine” fenris gave a small smile hoping anders couldnt tell it was fake. Anders frowned at that apparently able to tell that yes it was infact fake and he wasnt buying it for a second. Fenris just ignored anders for the moment and took a bite of his stew. Immediately he could feel his throat close the food just barely going down. He could feel it as it slid down nearly choking him. The fear came next he was scared hed be in trouble both for eating and for not eating he looked over and noticed a few friends and anders looking at him as though they were worried,or was it anger he couldnt tell anymore his breathing picked up and his eyes stung with tears he refused to shed.

He let out a small sob as hawke and anders both got up and helped him get up out of his seat helping take him to the bathroom. Anders folded and laid his coat down in front of the toilet helping him sit before it dog came into the room slowly wedging himself between fenris and the wall. Anders sat down on the other side of him and rubbed his back as he finally vomited into the toilet. When everything was finally up fenris started to calm but his shaking continued. Hawke handed anders a warm rag to wipe fenris’s face. Hawke smiled at fenris when he rested his hand on dog his hands still shaking but not as bad “dont worry it happens to the best of us” The next time someone offers to buy him dinner he says no eventually people stop asking him

The third time something big happened he had been in the market, the guy who sold books called to him while he was passing his stall telling him he had a new childrens book. Him and anders had been working on his reading ever since anders found he couldnt read. He had been sniffing potions to figure out what was what when anders seen him do it, he was so embaressed sure the man would make fun of him and know immediately that he couldnt read. But instead he just asked what he was doing.

he simply said that he was smelling them and anders left him alone after a slow nod. After about a week of anders never bringing it up fenris admitted to him that he couldnt read and anders gently sat him down and started to show him letters. After that they had slowly worked till he could start reading they started with children books. Most were either bought with hawke or anders but fenris was always with them and the book dealer knew him. Weather the man knew these books were for fenris or for some child he didnt know and the man never did ask or say.

The book was cinderella he remembered hearing about her story the man who had started to tell it was swiftly taken and was later found with his tongue cut out for spreading something that could cause slaves to get bad ideas. He was going to buy it he refused to not do it he had to have it. He payed the man and brought it with him to his room. 

He sat it down at his table and went to get his food ready. Coming back with a plate he started to eat and opened the book. He wasnt sure how far he could get before getting stuck but he was going to try as hard as he could to get as far as he could. But as soon as he read about the evil step mother and step sisters he could feel panic rushing up to the surface. His stomach cramped and he felt heavy fear begin to pop up the word punishment roaring in his head loud and heavy bearing down on him till he felt as though he couldnt move.   
He threw the book down into the corner of the room with shaking hands, he made sure it was as far into the corner as it could get before he climbed into his litttle nest on the floor and pulled the blanket over his head. When anders came over next he quietly picked the book up and put it in his bag. Neither of them talked about it and the book wasnt seen again

The most embaressing issue came after he had killed hadriana. He felt amazing, strong, almost invincable. He decided to go to anders clinic his intent clear he hoped he could take back one of the most painful things to ever happen to him. The fog warriors told him that love and sex would never hurt when done right and so far his love for anders didnt hurt so maybe they were speaking the truth about sex too. Even if they were wrong he would take the pain for anders.

He arived late all of the patiants had left he had put the lantern out on his way in and he locked the door. anders was sitting down on a cot folding bandages. After taking off his armor and his sword Fenris walked up to him and before he could greet him fenris kissed him. Just a small thing, a light peck he was done with it before anders even realized what had happened. Anders was stunned his eyes wide as he stared up at fenris his lips still slightly puckered for a kiss as though he was stuck in the moment but as soon as fenris started to fidget anders reached for his waist. Before he could touch him he stopped silently asking for permission to touch him. Fenris moved the rest of the way so anders hand was touching him giving him a small shy smile.

Anders slowly pulled fenris forword till he was sitting in anders lap he left fenris plenty of time for him to back off and away. Anders wrapped his arms around him and leaned in and gave him a small kiss slowly kissing down his jaw and neck and nuzzled into the crook of his shoulder. Fenris let out a hum wrapping his arms around anders shoulders. “Hey anders i wanna try going all the way”

Anders sat up pushing fenris away just enough to look him in the eye, “you sure?i mean we havnt even done more than kissing. We havnt even done any under the clothes touches. Maybe we should start smaller? Like just like a mutual handjob or something”

Fenris bit his lip and nodded.anders hands rose from his hips up under fenris’s shirt sliding over his stomach and pulled his shirt up over his head giving a small pout and muttered ‘malnourished’ under his breath, but he continued to touch him giving small kisses anywhere he could reach while carefully lifting fenris up so he could sit straddling anders legs. “Do...you do know about elven biology right?”

Anders chuckled against his neck “yes i know all about it it looks just like a womans privates. Enough stimulation and tada we have your dick out no problem so dont you worry love” fenris laughed at the crudeness of it no mage he had known would dare to talk like that. 

anders kissed him again sliding his hands down one to wrap around fenris’s back and another to slide down to his crotch. He cupped him gently sqeezing and rubbing him through his leggings. When fenris gasped he slipped his tongue into his mouth, as they kissed fenris began to grind down onto anders hand and lap he could feel anders harden beneath him. Anders gasped against him “fuck, fen, please let me taste you, you dont have to do that for me just please let me do that. Im not going to lie its been an awful long time since someone else has touched me and i doubt ill last long id like to make you feel good before i make a fool of myself”

Fenris laughed “taste me? I dont think ive ever had that happen so sure. And i doubt youd make a fool of yourself you’ll be fine ill still like you anders”

“Lovely then lets go to my room” anders helped him stand before he himself stood and lead them back to the back were a door led to a small closet like room. Anders took his coat and shirt off while slipping his boots off. Fenris moved the blanket down to the bottom of the bed so it could easly be pulled up. As he laid down he began to unlace his leggings anders came and helped tug them off.

Anders kissed a wet path up his thigh till he reached the crease of his hip licking a wet stripe then sucking hard, fenris bucked slightly letting a small gasp escape “anders please” anders laughed and moved to fenris’s mound giving long loving licks before digging his tongue in and moving to the soft bud giving it gentle flicks. Fenris gave soft moans and sighs as he sunk down in the mattress, as anders continued his ministrations fenris felt himself growing harder and harder as his phallus started to push outwards. But still panic welled in his stomach hot and tight the longer anders went on all hte times he had been used he had never been allowed to unsheath and the thought of it was starting to get distracting but still fenris didnt stop anders he tried to work through it 

Until suddenly anders stopped lifting his head from fenris’s crotch and untangling himself from his legs moving upward but still leaving some room between them anders gently held fenris’ face “you doing ok? Your pale and you look a little spooked there”

Fenris felt guilty as his panic grew and his arousal flailed “i-i dont think i can do this tonighti can still pleasure you if you want but i cant do this”

Anders sighed and kissed fenris’ forhead “no no no im fine you dont have to do anything” giving a small smile he continued “do you wanna stay with me tonight though maybe do some cuddling i know you like doing that”

Fenris felt calmer now his panic abating “id love that” he said as he curled up next to him,as he slipped away to sleep he felt safe and excepted wrapped in anders embrace

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked this pls let me know! and if you want me to write a second chapter explaining how he works through his issues let me know that too and ill write it


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